Relationship not Rules!

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 NKJ

Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost. Proverbs 22:6 MGS

As a Christian parent, my biggest concern was that my two children would grow up to be mature disciples of Jesus Christ. My heart has been broken many times to see children that have been raised in Christian homes and have attended Bible-teaching churches only to forsake the faith and desert the church.

Many have interpreted the above verse as a promise to parents that if they do their job right their children will never abandon the faith. However, this has resulted in many parents feeling as if God has broken His promise to them when their child turns from the faith.

This verse is a proverb and not a promise. Proverbs are sayings about how life normally works. But, there are plenty of exceptions to proverbs, because life is complicated by many factors. Proverbs are principles, not promises.

Bible teacher, Peter Goeman has an interesting insight into this verse. "In addition to the fact that a proverb is a principle, not a promise, Proverbs 22:6 is likely a negative warning rather than a positive promise. If we break down the verse we see some interesting details which support the view this is not a promise...The context in Proverbs speaks very negatively about the way of the youth. Thus, “his way” likely refers to the sinful disposition of the youth. If true, this particular proverb functions as a warning, not a promise. If parents affirm a child in his or her own way, that child will embrace that lifestyle throughout life..."

"By way of application, the main point of the proverb is clear. Whether it is positive or negative, Proverbs 22:6 cannot be viewed as a promise. Rather, it is a principle that highlights the importance of parenting. Further, it also highlights the tendency of the child to hold to the patterns of his youth. However, we should avoid using such a proverb as a promise that has no exceptions.

Parents often think that if they have a set of rules for their child to follow, they won't stray from the faithh. Keeping a set of rules will never lead a child into saving faith in Jesus Christ. But if a parent lives a consistent Christ-like life where they exhibit a rewarding relationship with Christ, their is a good chance they will follow in their steps.

RULES WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP LEADS TO REBELLION. (Josh McDowell)

Are You Real?

 

People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these...And he [Jesus] took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them. Mark 10:13-14; 16

Scripture repeatedly tells us that God highly values children. He warns us, “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:6 This warning to those who would cause a child to sin is severe, and it is a reminder of our responsibility before the Lord for our children. It is vitally important that parents live an authentic Christian life before their children. Our profession of faith must match our lifestyle.

I personally knew a very gift man who was asked to resign his church due to alcohol addiction. Recently, he was sentenced to 10 years for improperly touching a 12 year-old girl. This man has a wife who stood by him as a battled his addiction and several beautiful children.

While I am concerned for him personally, I am extremely concerned for his family. I have seen too many children who saw a contradiction in their parent's behavior at church and their behavior at home. As a result, they grow up angry, bitter, and leave the church.

But when children see parents that are living lives that match their testimony; they will be drawn to the Savior and His Church.

Being Open-Handed

 Therefore, I also have lent him to the LORD; as long as he lives, he shall be lent to the LORD.” So, they worshiped the LORD there. 1 Samuel 1:28

One of the most difficult lessons that parents have to learn is to hold their children with open hands because they belong to the Lord. Hannah is the ultimate picture of the “open-handed” parent. She had vowed that she would give her son back to the LORD “all the days of his life” (1 Sam. 1:11). Hannah fulfilled her promise by bringing her son Samuel to live and serve in the tabernacle. The word “lent” used here means to give unconditionally in dedication to the Lord.

Therefore, I also have lent him to the LORD; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the LORD.” So they worshiped the LORD there.

In Luke 2, we see another example of parents giving their child to the Lord when Mary and Joseph present the infant Jesus at the temple in Jerusalem. In doing this, they were not only affirming God’s prior claim on the child’s life, but committing themselves to raise him in God’s ways. We as parents should follow the same example in dedicating our children to the Lord. How God chooses to use them is not for us to decide, but He allows us to partner with Him in directing our children toward His purpose.

Praying For A Godly Marriage

 

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

In his last days, the great patriarch Abraham primary concern was that his son marry a woman of the same 0faith. Genesis 24 The command to marry only within their faith was repeated to Israel throughout the Old Testament. Deut. 7:3; Nehemiah 13:25 The result of intermarriage were devastating. King Solomon married many foreign wives and as a result he no longer “wholly” followed the Lord. 1 Kings 11:1,4 The theme continues in the New Testament: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” 2 Cor. 6:14

We no longer live in a culture where parents arrange their children's marriages. But we can pray for their marriage partners. My wife and I prayed continually that God would send godly people into our children's lives so that as they will have partners in faith and life who will strengthen their hearts in the Lord.

I'm Still a Parent

When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom. Job 1:5

Many parents feel that their responsibility for their children ends when they leave home. But I do not quit being a parent just because they are not under my roof.

Here are four lessons the Lord taught me that morning from the first chapter of Job.

1. Pray for your children. If your children are unbelieving, plead with God and intercede with Him for their salvation. You’re asking God to set them apart for Himself. Plead with God to remove their heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh that beats for Him.  If your children are believing, pray for them to grow in their faith.

2. Pray for each of your children. Job interceded for each of his children because each child is unique. Our children have different strengths and weaknesses, different struggles and temptations. So pray for each of them according to their own needs.

3. Pray for each of your children regularly. Job rose early in the morning. He daily interceded and offered burnt offerings for each of his children.

4. Pray for each of your children regularly, because they’re sinners in need of grace. Too many parents idolize their children and are unable to see them for the sinners they really are. Our culture is so blinded in this way that when their children get in trouble, the parents often blame others: teachers, coaches, other children. Job understood human depravity and he understood his children’s potential to sin. This is why Job continually interceded before God for his children.

Prayer is essential to parenting. 

How Well do You Know God?

 

A father overheard his son playing with two friends in their backyard. As boys will often do, they were boasting about how important their fathers were. The first boy bragged that HIS father was so important, he knew the mayor of the city. The second boy not to be undone bragged HIS father personally knew the Governor of the state. The listening father wondered what his son might say about him. His son, with puffed up chest, said His father was so important he knew God!

Well you cannot top that! I wonder if our children could say that about us. What is there about our relationship with God that would convince our children that we personally know God? James 2:23 When we pray with our families, do we convey that our relationship with God is up-close and personal? Or God is some distant Deity? Do we share with our children how God is working in our lives?

In Genesis 5, there is a brief account of a man known as Enoch. The Bible tells us Enoch walked so close to God that God took him to heaven without him dying. I can only imagine the conversation around the evening meal in Enoch's home! “Your father won't be joining us tonight. He is having dinner with God!”

Fathers, take time to develop your relationship with God and then share with your family how God is working in your life!

Teaching Racism

 And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children,..." Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Today Critical Race Theory [CRT] is a topic that is causing an uprising in our culture. For those for who may not be aware, CRT is “a cross-disciplinary intellectual and social movement of civil-rights scholars and activists who seek to examine the intersection of race and law in the United States and to challenge mainstream American liberal approaches to racial justice.” Wikipedia

The point of contention is should CRT be taught in our schools? As a Christ-follower, I strongly believe that the education of our children is NOT the responsibility of the educational system but the parents. Parents have a right to say what their children should be taught. Racism is taught through many avenues: Parents, peers, schools, movies, etc. That being the case, it is imperative that parents teach their children that racism is wrong and not biblical. Jesus personally demonstrated He came to overcome racism John 4.

The Bible clearly teaches the equality of ALL races. Galatians 3:28 Ephesians 2:14 Jesus Christ is not the Savior of the white race but the Savior of all mankind. Educating our children is NOT the responsibility of the educational system but the parents. Parents have a right to say what their children should be taught. Racism is taught through many avenues: Parents, peers, schools, movies, etc. That being the case, it is imperative that parents teach their children that racism is wrong and not biblical. Jesus personally demonstrated He came to overcome racism John 4. The Bible clearly teaches the equality of ALL races. Galatians 3:28 Ephesians 2:14 Jesus Christ is not the Savior of the white race but the Savior of all mankind.

Teaching our children Biblical truth does not make is spiritual crackpots. Living God’s Word does not require that we tack Scripture placards all over our walls and speak in a “holy” tone of voice. But it does mean that we teach our children how to apply God’s Word to appropriate situations.

Affirmation

 

“and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”  Matthew 3:17

The above verse is in the context of Jesus Christ's baptism by St. John. The interesting fact is Jesus had not begun His earthly ministry yet. He had not yet healed anyone. Nor has He performed His first miracle. He had not preached any sermon. God, the Father reassured His Son that His pleasure was not tied to performance.

The Gospels is far more about what God wants to do in and through us than what we do for Him. He chose us as sons and daughters not because of our resume but because He longed to have a relationship with us. Our actions never cause His affection to change.

We often affirm people based on their actions or acknowledgments. There is nothing wrong with praising your child when they make a 3-pointer or make the honor roll. But they need to know when he fails, you are still proud of them. Their value is not based on their performance.

Find ways to affirm your family, co-workers, and friends for who they are as what they do. Drop a note in your child's lunch box telling them why you love hanging out with them. Send an email to a coworker telling how much you value their friendship.

Be like your heavenly Father and affirm someone today for who they are.

UncomMEN Influence

 

You maybe old enough to remember buying milk in a cardboard container. Often those containers would have a picture of a missing child. Today we see posters of missing children on telephone poles or see an Amber alert on the Interstate. You may see on the news that an Alzheimer senior is missing.

But the largest group of missing people is hardly mentioned: Our Dads! Our culture is feeling the tremendous weight of dad's presence. Today 24 million kids will grow up without the influence of their biological father. The result?

• Kids are five times more likely to live in poverty

• They represent 85% of children with behavioral problems

• They have a much higher chance of drug use, repeating grades, suicide and imprisonment

• They have a much higher chance of an addiction to pornography

God hard-wired us in our DNA with a craving for a dad. Solomon wrote, “the glory of children is their fathers.” Proverbs 17:6 The word 'glory' means weight or heaviness. Dads carry weight – influence. They shoulder influence of good or ill.

One day someone will ask your adult kids, “In a few words, describe your dad?” What words do you want them to say? Remember YOUR influence will carry on to your grandchildren!

Proverbs or Promise? (Part Two)

 

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 NKJ

Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost. Proverbs 22:6 MGS

I found that the Hebrew word for 'train" means to learn from experience. Psalm 34:8 For example, when a mother is weaning her baby, she would take some solid food on her finger and place it on the roof of the infant's mouth. As the baby would suck on her finger, he would learn, from experience, to eat solid food. If you want your children to grow up to be a devoted Christ-follower, you must allow them to experience the walk of faith.

When I was in Bible college, I had to experience sharing my faith with non believers. Since I was one of the older students, I was assigned to drive the college bus and take 15-20 students to Belle Glade, Florida. Belle Glade is mostly a slum and has a 75% crime rate and is one of the poorest cities in Florida. Much of the population consists of migrant workers who work in the sugar fields.

My wife and my two young children would often accompany me. During the afternoon, we would share Bible stories with the children on the streets. This ghetto would be littered with hypodermic needles and whiskey bottles. Since we had no building to meet in, we had to sit on the curb on the street. My two kids would be the only white kids in the group.

In the evening, we would go to the migrant worker's camp to hold evangelistic meetings. This gave the ministerial students experience preaching. Again, my children attended with us and the workers enjoyed having our kids with them. It was a little unsettling to see our kids surrounded by these rough men. Many would sharpen their machetes for the next day's work in the field during the service.

Allow me to share this disclaimer. I was not a perfect father. I made more than my share of mistakes. I wish I could say I was a model father. But even with all my shortcomings, both of my children have grown up to be mature followers of Christ. I believe one of the reasons our children have not strayed from the faith is all that they have experienced.

I have been a church pastor for over 30 years and have been through some difficult situations. We were very open with our children when going through those circumstances. When we were treated unfairly, we sat down with our kids and told them we held to ill will against those people. As a family, we prayed for them. Matthew 5:43-44

Parents, the best teaching tool is for you to live the Christian life before your kids. Your kids would rather see a sermon than hear one!