The Three Minute Principle

 A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4 NAS)

It has been proven in research that the first three minutes of any confrontation between spouses dictates the rest of the encounter. A harsh start-up dooms a conversation to failure from the beginning. A harsh start-up means beginning a disagreement with your spouse by yelling, accusing, making threats, name-calling or so on.

When you confront in a loving manner Ephesians 4:15, your spouse is in no way threatened. Your humble, affirming posture puts him or her in the best environment possible to hear what you have to say and to be able to respond. I have known many couples who begin every serious confrontation with threats of divorce or by calling their spouse terrible names. Remember this—words are nuclear and eternal. The Bible says that we have the power of death and life in our mouths (Proverbs 18:21).

People who don’t understand this damage each other and ruin their chances at happiness. Those who understand the power of words realize that they must be careful what they say. Never is this principle more important than in conflict resolution.

When your feelings are hurt and you feel rejected and angry, you must keep your words carefully controlled. You must not allow your emotions to control your actions, but rather, let wisdom control your words.

To successfully resolve conflict, you must begin with words of love and affirmation. Remember, the first three minutes of the conversation will determine the outcome in almost every case. Use them wisely and your marriage will reap the benefits.

A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

Who Has Control?

 

“...Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16

I came across this verse in my daily Bible reading and it caught my attention. The context is part of the curse God pronounced on Adam and Eve for their disobedience. The word “desire” literally “to usurp authority.” God designed man to be the leader in the home. The desire for dominance (either spouse) in a marriage is part of our fallen nature. 

But the desire for control is not only seen in marriages but in many areas of our culture. We see it on playgrounds. Children trying to dominate other children. It's evident on the job. Both political parties struggle for control of Congress. Certain people in the church try to dominant how they think the church should be. Pastors try to force their agenda on the church. And ultimately, we try to control our own lives.

Control is not essentially wrong. Without control (authority) there would be chaos. Where it becomes wrong is when we try to force our agenda or ideas on others. The problem comes when one party misuses its authority. The Bible is clear that wives are under the authority of her husband Ephesians 5:23 but that does not give him the right to be domineering.

When dealing with control/authority, we must not forget that we should all submit to the ultimate authority – Jesus Christ. James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God...: 

Dark Night of the Soul

I wish I could say I was perfect, but I am not. When I think I have it “all together”; I find I don't. As hard as I try to serve Christ; I often fail. Recently, I found myself spinning my “spiritual” wheels. That is when I pray, I don't really feel connected. When I read Scripture, I get no new revelation. The harder I try to serve God; the more distant He seems.

I have been a Christian long enough to know that my relationship with Christ is not always a 'mountain top' experience. As in all relationships, there are highs and lows. I thoroughly enjoy the 'high' moments, but I dread the 'low' moments.

As an amateur Church historian, I remember reading the biographies of many notable Christians: Charles Spurgeon, Protestant reformer Martin Luther, 18^th century Missionary to the Native Americans David Brainerd, and most notable was Mother Theresa and those are just a few that have struggled with spiritual lows. I should take comfort to be included in their number. But I still don't like where I am at.

I think if we were all honest, we have all struggled with what has been called “The Dark Night of the Soul.” For some of us, these times might just be several days. For others, it might be months. Some of the “greats” of the faith struggled for years.

The purpose of this blog is to encourage transparency among the Body of Christ. (Myself included) Galatians 6:2 says, “Help carry each other's burden...” If you hide the fact that you are struggling spiritually, no one can help you through your struggle. So, find someone with whom you can be open and share your struggle. 

I've Been Pranked!

 

Though pranks have been with us for thousands of years, it's taken a new turn with access to social media. A prank is defined as a practical joke or mischievous act.

As a true follower of Jesus Christ, I don't believe pranks are consistent with the Christian life. I realize that this is my personal opinion and pulling a prank is not a sin but I do not think it adds credibility to our testimony.

I look at life through the lens of a Biblical worldview. That is, I think the principles found in Scripture should guide how we live. For example, the “Golden Rule.” The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one wants to be treated. Matthew 7:12

Watch the videos and it looks like the only ones enjoying the prank are those committing them. I John 2:6 says as a Christ-followers - “The one who claims to remain in him [Jesus] ought to live in the same way as he lived.”

Can you imagine Jesus Christ pulling a prank on someone? The point of a prank is to laugh at someone's response to the prank. Would Jesus laugh at someone's embarrassment? Would Jesus prank someone for enjoyment? I don't think so. If someone has pranked you, how did you feel? I doubt you enjoyed it. No one likes being laughed at or being embarrassed.

Think before you prank!

Getting Real About Anger

 Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26-27)

Every marriage has problems, even good marriages. The difference between a good and a bad marriage is simply the ability to work through problems. The good news is that every person can learn successful conflict resolution.

One of the first principles of conflict resolution is how to deal with anger. In Ephesians 4:26, the first thing that the Apostle Paul tells us about dealing with anger is that we must acknowledge it. He says, “Be angry...” Denying anger doesn’t make it go away; instead, it makes it build up until it explodes in a destructive and unmanageable manner.

Anger isn’t necessarily good or bad; it’s just real. As human beings, we get angry. Sometimes it is because we’ve been genuinely violated. In other cases, it’s because we’re immature or have unrealistic expectations or are selfish.

You need to learn that you shouldn’t go to bed angry. Learn to accept our own anger, but we also learn that you have to give each other the right to be angry and to express anger. Learning to be honest about your anger and allowing your spouse to do the same is the first step in successful conflict resolution. Once you are able to accept your anger, you must also commit to doing the right thing with it. You can never use your anger to justify unrighteous behavior. How you resolve conflict is crucial. It must be resolved in a manner that honors God and treats your spouse with dignity and care.

#anger #conflict #marriage #relationship

A Little Care Repair

 

Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. (Proverbs 16:24, NLT)

Every couple faces communication challenges in their marriage. After 53 years of marriage, I am still working on my communication skills. I've learned that no manner how you try to communicate; if you don't care, it won't make a difference. The actual breakdown of communication in marriage begins when attitudes begin to change. When you first started dating, your conversations were great! Why? Because you cared! You worked to understand each other.

Fast forward into marriage when communication breaks down and you'll find a different story. For marriage to be successful you must have an open line of communication. That will only take place if you feel as though the other person cares. As you care about your partner, it will become easier to understand the opposite sex. It's really not that hard o figure out the person you are married to if you really care about them.

Are you experiencing a breakdown in communication because of some negative aspects in relating to your spouse? If so, talk about ways to make positive changes in those areas.