What Did You Say?

 “Use different messaging for different groups to ensure your communications are relevant.” – Andrea Plos

There is an old adage that says, “I know what I said but I'm not sure what you heard.” That is so true when we speak of communication. You cannot have a proper, healthy relationship without good communication. It affects every area of life: Husband/wife. Parents/children. Boss/employee. I cannot speak to another person from a different country unless I speak their language.

In 1990, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the best seller The Five Love Languages. In his book, he describes the basic ways to show love to other people. Everyone has a desire to be loved but everyone is so different there are different ways to show that love. He gives us five different ways to communicate love.

1. Words of Affirmation: This love language consists of encouraging, positive words and verbal

2. Acts of Service: Doing things that express your love

3. Receiving Gifts: Showing your love through gift giving

4. Quality Time: Giving quality time to another

5. Physical Touch: Hugs, holding hands, etc.

I thought my wife's love language was receiving gifts but it wasn't until we sat down to discuss these “languages” did in discover she wanted quality time from me. Now instead of giving her gifts, I often sit on our couch and listen/talk with her and I found out that my “language” was words of affirmation.

If you want to have better relationships, take the time to discover that person's love language.

Friend of Sinners?

 

“...a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ – Luke 7:34

Several years ago, friends of my wife and I from our home church, were involved in an adulterous affair. Fortunately, they repented of their sin and received forgiveness from Jesus Christ. When we went back for a visit, we were surprised to see they were both still attending the same church. I'm not sure how wise that was but at least they sat at opposite sides on the sanctuary.

After the worship service, my wife spoke with the lady and I spoke with the man. We did not bring up their affair but just spoke to them in generalities. We wanted to let them know that we were still friends and we loved them.

When we went outside, we were accosted by some of the local congregation. They wanted us to know that this couple had been involved in this terrible sin and that we should not be talking with them. (I should have noticed immediately following the service, no one spoke to them.) My response was that they had been forgiven by God and we shouldn't hold their past sin against them. Their response was they “thought” they were secretly seeing each other and had not left their sin.

I was saddened by their attitude. Two thoughts immediately came to my mind: 1] No one wants THIER past sins to be brought up. 2] This is not the attitude of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16 says we are to have the mind of Christ. How would He treat them? The perfect example of Jesus's attitude toward sinners is found in John 8 where He dealt with a woman caught in the “act of adultery.” He said He did not condemn her but extended love, grace, and acceptance.

I've lost track of our friends but I hope they have found a church where they would find healing and acceptance.

Rejected But Accepted

"...I will never turn away anyone who comes to me," John 6:37

The story of King David has to an interesting backdrop. David was the youngest of eight brothers. When the prophet Samuel came to David's house to choose a new king, everyone assumed Samuel would choose, Eliab. Eliab was the biggest, oldest, and strongest of the brothers. Surely he was going to be the new king. But God said, “Nope. Not him.” Undoubtedly, Eliab felt spurned. The system seemed upside down. He wasn’t chosen as king. Instead, the youngest brother was—the kid who wasn’t even in the lineup. Eliab felt rejected, and rejected people reject people. 

None of us like to feel we aren’t good enough. Or smart enough. Or wanted enough. As much as we wish it weren’t so, the opinions of others matter.

I grew up with the fear of rejection. I never tried out for sports; because I feared I couldn't make the cut. I didn't date much in my teen years because I couldn't handle being turned down. 

But even if we have been rejected by our peers, passed over by a job promotion, or even rejected by our parents; remember Jesus will never turn away from you. John 6:37 Psalm 27:10

Jesus accepts us not because of our appearance 1 Samuel 16:7 , our intelligence or personality but because He choose us from the time of our conception. Before you were born, He loved you. Job 10:10-12  God did not accept you because of anything you had done but just because He loved you. 

Affirmation

 

“and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”  Matthew 3:17

The above verse is in the context of Jesus Christ's baptism by St. John. The interesting fact is Jesus had not begun His earthly ministry yet. He had not yet healed anyone. Nor has He performed His first miracle. He had not preached any sermon. God, the Father reassured His Son that His pleasure was not tied to performance.

The Gospels is far more about what God wants to do in and through us than what we do for Him. He chose us as sons and daughters not because of our resume but because He longed to have a relationship with us. Our actions never cause His affection to change.

We often affirm people based on their actions or acknowledgments. There is nothing wrong with praising your child when they make a 3-pointer or make the honor roll. But they need to know when he fails, you are still proud of them. Their value is not based on their performance.

Find ways to affirm your family, co-workers, and friends for who they are as what they do. Drop a note in your child's lunch box telling them why you love hanging out with them. Send an email to a coworker telling how much you value their friendship.

Be like your heavenly Father and affirm someone today for who they are.

Care Central

 Be kindly affectionate to one another...distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Romans 12;10, 13

From 1986 to 1990, Frank Reed was hostage by Lebanese terrorists. He was beaten and tormented and kept in total darkness but the worst thing was the feeling that no one cared. In Time magazine he said, "I began to realize how withering it s to exist with not a single expression of caring around me...I learned one overruling fact; caring is a powerful force. If no cares, you are truly alone."

God instituted two social systems so that no one would ever feel alone: the family and the church. In a day when even Christian families are failing to care for their own, the church must step in be a community of care - a place where love, healing and acceptance can be found. The New Testament is filled with the command to care for those in need, both within the church and those without. Proverbs 3:27 Ephesians 4:28

If you are in need of care, begin by caring for others. If you are "healthy' to see whom God has put in your path that needs His love.

--taken from Pathways-- David Jeremiah

Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States said , ""People do not care how much of know until they know how much you care."

Me? Love Them?

 Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you-- Luke 6:27-28

If I were to ask you, who are your your enemies? Most of us would probably answer, we don't have any. That's because we think of enemies as someone who wants to harm us. When Jesus spoke these words, things were more black and white. The Jews hated the Samaritans. The Romans hated the Jews. When Jesus commanded us to love our enemies, the presumption is very clear. He would not have commanded us to love "our enemies" if did not have any. So, that commandment is still relevant to us today.

Our King, Jesus Christ, is simply calling on us to love even those who are hardest to love. And we know people like that. Who’s mistreated you? Who’s let you down? Who’s taken advantage of you? Maybe someone at work? A family member? A friend? A neighbor? Someone you barely know? “Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst” Luke 6:27-30 The Message.

The biggest hurdle to loving "our enemies" is that we believe that Scriptural love is a feeling and it is not. Biblical love is an action that is based on doing what is best for the other person! "Do good" is an action. "Bless them" = action. "Pray for" = action.

Do not wait to experience a certain emotion before you show love. Romans 12:20 You see, what Jesus is teaching us—what we must grasp and embrace—is that we don’t fight evil with yet more evil; we fight evil with good. Romans 12:21

Is God Pleased With You?

 I have read Matthew Chapter Three numerous times and have totally overlooked a very important  phrase. By way of introduction allow me to preface my thoughts with an observation that many may have overlooked in our culture. We are a 'performance based' society. We think people will love us more by how well we perform. I am not saying people should not be rewarded and honored for diligent work and achievement but we should not value people just on the basis of performance.

For example. a parent may say, "Daddy loves you when you make straight A's on your report card!" The child may conclude that Daddy will not love me if I don't make straight A's. Hopefully that is that his intent. Their child should be congratulated for academic excellence but no matter what his grades are, he needs to be assured on his parents unconditional love. 

In Matthew 3, Jesus has just been baptized by John the Baptist and as Jesus is coming out of the Jordan River, a voice from heaven says, " This is my beloved Son, with whom I will be pleased." (Vs.17) Remember this is just the beginning of Jesus' earthly ministry.

He has yet to perform His first miracle. He has not healed the man with leprosy. He has not raised Lazarus from the dead. He hasn't preached to the multitudes.  He has not done anything 'miraculous.'  Yet, God the Father says He was pleased with His Son.

In my opinion, I believe God's approval is found in the phrase preceding that statement. "This is my beloved Son..." God was pleased with the Son on the basis of their relationship. Jesus did not have to do anything to bring pleasure to His Father, God  found pleasure in their relationship.

God is pleased with you on the basis of your relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ.

3:17 Or my Son, my (or the) Belovedwith whom I am well pleased.” 

What Do You Love Most?

If you could only have one thing in life, what would it be? What do you love most? What would you give up everything for? Would you believe that your heavenly Father's answer to those questions is you? It's true! 

The Creator of the universe loves you most! Would you believe He would give up everything to have a relationship with you? Genesis 2 reveals to us that God's greatest desire is relationship with us. After God created Adam in His own image, He said, "It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him." God puts Adam to sleep and forms a woman out of his rib. vs 21-22 How did God know Adam would want a woman as a helper? How did God know she would be the desire of his heart? God knew Adam most longed for a bride because Adam was made in God's image and God's greatest desire is for relationship with us, whom the Bible calls His Bride. 

Out of everything else God has created or could have created, He most desires relationship with you. And He so longed for you to know Him fully that He sent Jesus to die to make restored relationship possible. John 3:16 God calls us to Himself daily with His love. 

Once we truly understand the depth of God's desire for us, the only true response is to give up everything for Him.