What Did You Say?

 “Use different messaging for different groups to ensure your communications are relevant.” – Andrea Plos

There is an old adage that says, “I know what I said but I'm not sure what you heard.” That is so true when we speak of communication. You cannot have a proper, healthy relationship without good communication. It affects every area of life: Husband/wife. Parents/children. Boss/employee. I cannot speak to another person from a different country unless I speak their language.

In 1990, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the best seller The Five Love Languages. In his book, he describes the basic ways to show love to other people. Everyone has a desire to be loved but everyone is so different there are different ways to show that love. He gives us five different ways to communicate love.

1. Words of Affirmation: This love language consists of encouraging, positive words and verbal

2. Acts of Service: Doing things that express your love

3. Receiving Gifts: Showing your love through gift giving

4. Quality Time: Giving quality time to another

5. Physical Touch: Hugs, holding hands, etc.

I thought my wife's love language was receiving gifts but it wasn't until we sat down to discuss these “languages” did in discover she wanted quality time from me. Now instead of giving her gifts, I often sit on our couch and listen/talk with her and I found out that my “language” was words of affirmation.

If you want to have better relationships, take the time to discover that person's love language.

The Three Minute Principle

 A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4 NAS)

It has been proven in research that the first three minutes of any confrontation between spouses dictates the rest of the encounter. A harsh start-up dooms a conversation to failure from the beginning. A harsh start-up means beginning a disagreement with your spouse by yelling, accusing, making threats, name-calling or so on.

When you confront in a loving manner Ephesians 4:15, your spouse is in no way threatened. Your humble, affirming posture puts him or her in the best environment possible to hear what you have to say and to be able to respond. I have known many couples who begin every serious confrontation with threats of divorce or by calling their spouse terrible names. Remember this—words are nuclear and eternal. The Bible says that we have the power of death and life in our mouths (Proverbs 18:21).

People who don’t understand this damage each other and ruin their chances at happiness. Those who understand the power of words realize that they must be careful what they say. Never is this principle more important than in conflict resolution.

When your feelings are hurt and you feel rejected and angry, you must keep your words carefully controlled. You must not allow your emotions to control your actions, but rather, let wisdom control your words.

To successfully resolve conflict, you must begin with words of love and affirmation. Remember, the first three minutes of the conversation will determine the outcome in almost every case. Use them wisely and your marriage will reap the benefits.

A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

A Little Care Repair

 

Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. (Proverbs 16:24, NLT)

Every couple faces communication challenges in their marriage. After 53 years of marriage, I am still working on my communication skills. I've learned that no manner how you try to communicate; if you don't care, it won't make a difference. The actual breakdown of communication in marriage begins when attitudes begin to change. When you first started dating, your conversations were great! Why? Because you cared! You worked to understand each other.

Fast forward into marriage when communication breaks down and you'll find a different story. For marriage to be successful you must have an open line of communication. That will only take place if you feel as though the other person cares. As you care about your partner, it will become easier to understand the opposite sex. It's really not that hard o figure out the person you are married to if you really care about them.

Are you experiencing a breakdown in communication because of some negative aspects in relating to your spouse? If so, talk about ways to make positive changes in those areas.

Don't Just Listen

I think we all have, from time to time, left a worship a service where a sermon was preached and said something along the line, "I did not get anything from that message." That got me to thinking, why didn't we? I am sure there are many reasons but allow me to share just two. 

1. I once heard a preacher say he believed that God has something for everyone attending that service. That "something" may be different for each person. It may be just one verse that was read. It could be just one sentence or word that was spoken. If we believe God is Sovereign, and He is, everything is under His control including what transpires in that service. "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." Ps 37:23 NLV 

2. I think that we are so preoccupied with other things that when we come to church we have little [if any] expectations that God will speak to us. Matthew 11:15 says, "Let anyone who has ears listen" It is like when we are having a serious "talk" with your son and you can tell he is hearing the words but he isn't really listening and you say, "Do you understand what I am saying? The goal of the "talk" isn't just hearing words spoken but the goal is a change in behavior.

So, the next time you come to church, come with the expectation that God has something to communicate with you personally. Don't just listen; hear!