A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4 NAS)
It has been proven in research that the first three minutes of any confrontation between spouses dictates the rest of the encounter. A harsh start-up dooms a conversation to failure from the beginning. A harsh start-up means beginning a disagreement with your spouse by yelling, accusing, making threats, name-calling or so on.
When you confront in a loving manner Ephesians 4:15, your spouse is in no way threatened. Your humble, affirming posture puts him or her in the best environment possible to hear what you have to say and to be able to respond. I have known many couples who begin every serious confrontation with threats of divorce or by calling their spouse terrible names. Remember this—words are nuclear and eternal. The Bible says that we have the power of death and life in our mouths (Proverbs 18:21).
People who don’t understand this damage each other and ruin their chances at happiness. Those who understand the power of words realize that they must be careful what they say. Never is this principle more important than in conflict resolution.
When your feelings are hurt and you feel rejected and angry, you must keep your words carefully controlled. You must not allow your emotions to control your actions, but rather, let wisdom control your words.
To successfully resolve conflict, you must begin with words of love and affirmation. Remember, the first three minutes of the conversation will determine the outcome in almost every case. Use them wisely and your marriage will reap the benefits.
A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans
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